there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
