I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
