I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
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Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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