my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Your penis caused this!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
