Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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