I hate all girls vehemently.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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