You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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