I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
