Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
