The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
