Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
