textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
