My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
