he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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