shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
