once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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