How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
