I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
