If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
