what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
