just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
