You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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