I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
