you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
