are you so shy because you have an std?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ketchup is God's man juice
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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