At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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