You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
