There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
