You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
