Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
