So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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