you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
