So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
