he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
