he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize