i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
