I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
