he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I did not marry a roomba.
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