omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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