If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize