I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
