wakey wakey hands off snakey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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