Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
