I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
