if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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