Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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