i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
