Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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