I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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