I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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