Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
