The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
