nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm too high and old for this...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
