Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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