his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
