i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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