if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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