dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
