I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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