she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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