People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Help. Why am I so naked?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
