My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
