I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
