I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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