Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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