you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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