Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I think I sprained my soul last night
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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