he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
