until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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