Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
