So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
