Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
