My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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