Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
