Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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