do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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