Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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